How to Stay Present in Your Child’s Life

Helping our kids “Be Here Now”

As much as I adore fatherhood, at night I am filled with a great sense of regret for the times when my presence was absent and overlooked in regards to enjoying moments with my children. Quite easily, the daily grind can take us from what matters most, but the good news is we don't need to be perfect parents. Accepting our failures, sharing them to grow and know each day is a blank slate for us too — just another opportunity to be with your kids in the moment. It's never too late to start.

These days, long gone are the easier times because it seems near impossible to keep up with your child.

Pinned between work, household chores, and the ever-encroaching visit of technology — it is far easier to lose precious moments without even blinking. But being actually there for your child is one of the most important aspects of parenting. It builds connection, trust, and serves as a springboard for your child's emotional and mental well-being. Below are some ways to be in your child's life even when there is chaos.

1. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity

Quality time spent with the children is much more preferable than a lot of other activities done alongside staying at home. Concentrate on having quality conversations where you are present. When you do read that bedtime story, or play a game, or have a conversation — be in it and really there!

2. Put Away Distractions

The toughest thing that keeps us from being present is the myriad of distractions, primarily technological ones. If you do get together, be present with your child — no phone, TV off. For both you and your child, limit screen time to facilitate more conversation face-to-face.

3. Create Daily Rituals

Creating rituals that you practice every day will help keep the two of you bonded. Whether that's breakfast every morning, a regular bedtime routine, or walking the dog each day, these little consistent things create feelings of safety and belonging. The rituals do not have to be extravagant, but they must be consistent and conscious.

4. Listen Actively

If your child is talking to you, give him or her 100% of yours. This implies looking into each other’s eyes while talking, nodding, and replying. Do not multitask during conversations. This demonstrates to your child that you value what they have to say and care about their thought processes, facial expressions, and emotional responses.

5. Be Mindful of Your Emotions

How you are emotionally will change how present you can be. But pressure, fear, and anger can draw your focus away from connecting with the child. Stay grounded: Use deep-breathing or meditation practices to cultivate calm throughout your day. You will be able to engage better with your child when you manage them.

6. Schedule One-on-One Time

Try to meet each of your children separately. It makes it the perfect opportunity for alone time with them, meaning you can concentrate on their individual wants and needs without having other siblings to cater for or activities that have been scheduled. Whether it is just to the park or a craft involving one of their cherished activities, this time together only brings you closer and they know that.

7. Engage in Their Interests

Take interest in what your child loves to do — favorite hobby, game, or TV show. Even if it's not your top choice, engaging with their hobbies demonstrates that you share in what they care about and furthers connection.

8. Take Part in the Small Things

Presence is not only about fanfare moments but presence in the small times too. Recognize the little things — a new drawing, something they ask, or even just if they make you laugh. The tiniest instances often breed the deepest connections.

9. Practice Gratitude Together

Have your child share his or her favorite part of the day, and do the same for them. Gratitude alone gets us thinking in a more positive way, as it shifts our perspective towards the better parts of life and connecting over these thoughts only creates that moment. And it can be as basic as going around the dinner table or before bed, saying one thing you are grateful for every single day.

10. Be Kind to Yourself

Parenting is tough, and there will be days you are not all that engaged with your child. Be gentle with yourself too and remember, you're doing your best. Recognize your successes and realize that presence is an ongoing process, not a final destination. No, you get a fresh chance to do better every morning.